I had brunch with my sister yesterday and she shared some crazy dating stories of a few friends. Then we started to reminiscence about some of my crazy dating stories, unfortunately I have so many of them. I remember the story of the felon I met at Society lounge in DC.
It was a regular Friday night and I was hanging out with my girl Tash at Society lounge and listening to some live music. During the course of the evening I met a guy named Rod. Now I could tell he was a little bit of the bad boy type with a New York swag about him. He excites me because I don’t know if he’s gonna choke me or kiss me? I don’t know, but let’s find out.
We exchange numbers and I find out that he is from New York and oh by the way he’s on parole. Now that should make me run the other way girl, but we all like a little bad boy. Later, I come to find out that he also got my girlfriends Tash phone number. We continue to talk and I admit I punked out. I should have let him be, but I told him that he needed to choose and he needed to tell Tash if he was interested in me. I know, I should’ve followed the girl code and told my girl, but instead I asked him to do it. Yes, I punked out.
So, he proceeds to tell me he got in some trouble in NYC and the evidence got thrown out and I can’t really remember the details. But, he’s currently on parole and living in Md. Now this has to be a Federal case, because he also has an ankle bracket and can’t be outside or drink on Sundays. Well I felt safe enough to go to his house one Sunday to watch the game. He is a big Pittsburgh Steelers fan and while there, this man proceeds to yell and scream at the television like the very definition of fanatic. He turned into a crazy person by cursing and yelling at the television. I can’t take it but I don’t want to leave yet, so he tells me to go upstairs to watch TV. On the way upstairs realizing it’s Sunday afternoon, I suggest a drink. He says he can’t drink on Sundays or leave the house, remember? I said ok, but still pour some wine and head to his bedroom to watch TV. I started watching a movie and about 25 minutes into the movie I hear a phone ringing sound.
I look over and see a funny phone contraption and it’s ringing but doesn’t look like a regular phone. It continues ringing so I holler for him downstairs that the phone keeps ringing. At that point, he pops up and hauls ass up two flights of stairs. I’d never seen a 6’2, 240 pound linebacker man move that fast. I mean it sounded like a herd of hyenas from the Discovery channel. He comes into the room out of breathe and proceeds to breathe into the phone contraption. So the reason he can’t drink on Sunday or leave the house is because one of the conditions of his parole is that he can’t do either on Sunday’s.
At this point, I’m just sitting there speechless. I mean, I’ve never seen anything like this in my life. I’m both fascinated and horrified. So ok, you’re on parole, ok you have an ankle bracelet, ok you can’t drink on Sunday’s, and ok you can’t leave the house. But, now shit just got real. Like for real, he’s on probation and/or parole, wears an ankle bracket, and has to breathe into a breathalyzer. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. So I told him I had to go and headed for the door. Well he can’t walk me to my car because, you guessed it, he literally can’t leave his doorway. I drove off and called him from the car to tell him I can’t deal with someone in his situation and things weren’t going to work. So the morale of this story is sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is a train, duck or run. But not a good idea to date someone who’s jewelry is government issue in the form of an ankle bracelet. If so, run don’t walk far far away.